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    慰安

     
    夜里,我醒了。
    电视还在闪。
     
    我知道没有失眠,是没有入睡的情绪。
     
    一些在内心深处放了很久很久的东西,已经没了颜色,但却在一些可有可无的夜晚,显现出来。
    生活如出一辙,于是期待开始荒唐,理想成为现实,而真实也显得虚妄。
    说实话,我是满足的,现在的生活,是我想要的,然而,日子和世事的无奈,被埋葬在一起不停发酵,无法停止。
    我承认我是自负的人,所以会偶尔感伤,无奈,甚至绝望。
     
    这个城市。
     
    天空已经黑透了,象一种病,难以治愈。
    远处的霓红模糊不清。 
    许多事情要预测,预测本身,就是没有把握。
    犹豫。
    因为心里会有悸动,看起来没有怨恨,那是因为有些事情在劫难逃。 
    很多人彼此都不认识,认识了又怎样,还是会分离。 
    有时候了解了一个人,会比不了解更加寂寞,思念对我是一种释放,像碎屑般沉没在身体里不停的积累,不停的凝固,却无处宣泄。 
    在感性里面,我们什么也留不下,关于喜怒、哀愁,每个人都有一个纪念日,而两个人却可以有很多个纪念日,与爱情无关,只是敷衍彼此的一种形式,一种刻意的追忆。 
     
    我喜欢酒精,有时候它能安慰人,就像抚摩,虽然空洞,却带来监视的填补,暂时让人忘记生活的定义。
    酒精在特定的时刻发挥了最大的效用,迷迷糊糊间仿佛明白了所有的前序后结。
     
    朋友告诉我,如果觉得现实无奈,就放纵一下,从身体到精神的放纵。
    让心灵从急促到平静,一切的一切随着呼吸慢慢流失,回归淡然,如果喧闹还不能腿去,就吃几颗安定,闭上眼,好好的死一次。
    太多的东西既然注定不能留住,牵手也痛放手更痛,不如一开始就选择逃避,用冲动的下半身掩饰不安的内心。
    身边的人,脚步慌乱,忙着去上演各种生活。
    他们笑着,哭着,兴奋着,悲哀着,嚎叫着,落寞着,与我无关,与我有关。
     
    一直,以为可以洞悉别人,也常常想很多事情,尤其是注意的东西。
    我可以从一点小细节知道一些秘密,然而对于朋友,这并不是好事,有时候发现别人的秘密是一种悲哀。
    这是灵验的。
    人与人的相处就是这样,外表的温柔并不是全部,藏在内心的自负才是重点。
    易碎的玻璃,破了就破了,想补救。
    无济于事。
     
    人群。
     
    如此容易满足。
     
    还好,我躲在人群背后支撑着自己,没有失去自我。
    我的欲望,从未想过要拥有一个人,只憧憬一份残缺的完美,结局是一个人的事情。
    对谁也说明不了什么,情感是残忍的,却没能在我身上刻划过什么。
    弥足深陷,我想记下些什么,却早已忘记。
     
    往生,一遍又一遍,直到疲倦。
    我再也没有勇气,絮絮叨叨,只是对自己,跟自己作对。
    我拒绝知道我的爱在什么地方,与我无关。
    想了断,断断续续,放不开。
    是自己,与他人无关。
    我漫步走着,相忘,路过的街道,那里的人,都不认识,可我还是觉得欣慰,很自然的满足,仅因为他们和我活在同个城市。
    我再没有遇见她,一次都没有,不管是蓄谋的,还是无意间。
    于是,坚决,是那么容易的事情。
     
    眠。
     
     

     
     

     

    Comments (314)

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    Aの预感wrote:
    好多文字的空间
    只可惜我现在无心阅读
    等下次有空且耐心阅读
    Mar. 3
     
    你去哪里了阿
     
    消失啦?
     
    我报案去了昂
     
    XD
    Jan. 20
    Air Onwrote:
    要放寒假咯
     
    Jan. 12
    Air Onwrote:
    要放寒假咯
     
    Jan. 12
    stefanie 喃wrote:
               莪的眼睛好多了
     
     
    现在 左眼 1。5  右眼1。2
     
    妈妈 好点了 轮到我生病了
     
     
    Jan. 10
    .wrote:
     
    我也好久没上网了
    虽然迟到了
    还是要说
    新年快乐^^
    Jan. 8
    kong cloudywrote:
     
     
     
    新年快樂。
    快樂 快樂 快樂
     
     
    Jan. 6
    lu xuwrote:
    我等着你更新呢。
     
     
     
    Jan. 6
    lu xuwrote:
    怎么还不更新.
    Jan. 6
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    我。。。我来看你叻!
    三天两夜 总共睡了不到6个小时的觉 晚上夜店 刷夜 白天和朋友们见面等
    一刻不停的在玩
    我的精气神儿真大
    = =|||
    呵呵
     
     好  有机会一定去
    然后找你 玩  嘻嘻
     
    xx
    Jan. 6
    鸵 鸵wrote:
    你就开心点嘛回回都装深沉
    Jan. 5
    wrote:
     
     
    圣诞节,新年,  都玩忘记了
     
     
    哈哈哈哈哈
     
     
     
     
    好久没上网。。。。。
     
    祝福来晚了。。。。希望你新年一切顺利。。。。
    Jan. 5
    Wan Liwrote:
    january is sooooooooo cold here...
    Jan. 5
    则天wrote:
     
     
     
     
     
    还可以吧
     
     
    你呢
     
     
     
    新年快乐
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Jan. 4
    怎么一直都没更新?没FEEL?
    Jan. 4
    ﹏RickY ⒎wrote:
    哈哈 我那朋友说的就是夜生活的问题,, 还有吃的喝的 
    跟你形容的一样, 看来果真如此  偷笑ing
    Jan. 4
    vive Dwrote:
    不务正业?
    我记得我问过你是玩乐队么
    可是我忘记你怎么回答我了
     
    如果是  那我觉得挺好的
    我就不觉得是不务正业
    Jan. 4
    wrote:
    读书
    这种百年大计需要再思考一下
    Jan. 4
    来人wrote:
    我在北京了
     
    你才回成都?
     
    怎么感觉你的状态不太好呢?
     
    怎么了...是不是累了....小家伙........
    Jan. 4
    来人wrote:
    我在北京了
     
    你才回成都?
     
    怎么感觉你的状态不太好呢?
     
    怎么了...是不是累了....小家伙........
    Jan. 4

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